Christmas 2016

We had a blessed Christmas. My kiddos received lots of presents and were happy little campers. We did Christmas carolling and visited Disneyland. We spent time with family. 

But, it was probably my hardest Christmas. My mom had a hard year. In June she was in the mental hospital for a couple of weeks. When she came home I didn't feel like she was very stable. We struggled going through a couple of different psychiatrist until we found one we liked. He changed her medication some but she was still struggling. November was an especially hard month for her. The doctor again switched some of her medication. All the change was hard on her physically. On December 1st she passed out in the bathroom. Her blood pressure dropped too low. I heard her crying out for help when I should have been sound asleep. The Lord blessed us for me to find her. Dwight and I took her to the hospital. She stayed in the regular hospital for several days. They didn't really know how to help her. They didn't think she needed to go to the psyche hospital but, I knew she couldn't come home. I was worried that she was dangerous to herself and to my children. Becauses of my experience with her I knew that she would decline. I just needed some time for them to see it. Because she fell she was afraid to walk. Because of this instant decline in her physical ability she qualified for rehabilitation. This wasn't as easy and it seems it should have been.  I was responsible to find a rehab facility for her to be moved to. I had to contact her insurance and then go visit the facilities to choose one for her to be transferred to. I was so stressed. All of this during the busy Christmas season. I tried so hard to divide my time between her at the hospital and taking care of all her needs and still providing my family with everything they needed during the Christmas season. I'm thankful for the spirit in my life and how it led me during this time. I found a beautiful rehab facility for her to go to. It was about 20 mins from home. That was hard. But, I managed. Her visiting teacher visited her a few times too. She continued to decline mentally in the rehab facility to the point that they realised they could not care for her. Again they told me I needed to find somewhere to transfer her to. The social worker gave me a couple options for senior psyche hospitals in the area. I chose one in Phoenix and she was transferred. At this point we were almost 2 weeks into December. I was relieved that I knew she was where she needed to be and that she would be safe. This hospital was in a scary part of downtown Phoenix and it had a emergency psyche room downstairs so there were scary people hanging around. I only felt safe going to visit her if Dwight went with me. This turned out to be a good thing. I didn't feel like I had to spend all my time with her and I was able to take care of all of my Christmas responsibilities. I was able to call her twice a day during the phone call hours. She didn't seem to be improving like I expected. She wasn't improving as quickly as she had in the past. Her hospital Dr. told me that as the brain ages it is more difficult to treat mental illness. He told me that he did not believe it would be safe for me to bring her home again. He said she needed 24 hour care. So, I started the process of looking for a group home for her. This was extremely stressful. I was worried about her getting the care she needed and the financial cost of a home with 24 hour care. I came upon a man who helped people families fine assisted living. The homes would pay him a finders fee. He took me to several homes and I was terrified. I could not leave my mom in any of these places and feel at peace with her being taken care of. He finally found a home that I liked. It was just 3 miles from our home. It was very clean and the staff was very friendly. I felt the Lord's hand again in our lives. She was transferred there January 3. 

Christmas day was hard. It was a Sunday. I normally love Christmas on the Sabbath day. It gives us a chance to celebrate our Saviors birth and reflect on his life. I felt like I needed to spend a few hours with my mom that day though and visiting hours for the holiday fall right during our church service. I really wanted Dwight to take the kids to church. So, I braved the trip into downtown Phoenix on my own. I cried on my way there. I felt sorry for myself. I made it in fine and sat with my mom. She was sad. She was frustrated with her situation. She was sad that her mind was not well and that she couldn't spend the day with us at home. I cried the entire way home. I felt sorry for my mom. My mom's mental illness has been by far the great trial of my life. I spent the rest of Christmas day with my little family and our local Jordan family. I put a smile on my face but ached in my heart.